Guilt betrays people. It is the unwanted emotion. We cannot dictate our emotions and guilt is like an unwanted guest at the party. The murderer, embezzler, adulterer, thief--all have this little telltale hangover of our Puritan conscience. A true psychopath will not have guilt. A true sociopath feels nothing. But for the rest of us guilt comes along with the baggage of being human.That is why it is almost comical if not tragic to watch Billy Oreilly trying to exorcise his guilt over the death of George Tiller on national television. He does not look like the old confident Bill. There is a tinge of uncertainty in his wan expression. His eyes are eager, looking for salvation in Glen Beck or Sean Hannity therapy sessions where they assure him that he had nothing to do with George Tiller's death. Bill needs this even as he crows that he has absolutely nothing to feel guilty about. But he does. He feels guilty as hell and the Keith Obermans and Rachel Maddows will never make him feel the cold hand of remorse as much as his own suspicion he might have triggered the death of this man in his own church.
It is the three AM hour that undoes us. It is when the television lights go off and Billy lays down to sleep that the nagging question rolls in with the night. Did he really get this man killed by calling him Tiller the Baby Killer for years? Did his incitement really push the lone nut to do his bidding. He proclaims that Tiller was heinous and deserves what he get. Who stands up for all those dead babies he asks nodding guest after guest who tell him Fox friendly tones that he has absolutely nothing to feel guilty about.
But Billy cant get enough absolution. He suspects something and it is nagging him. A man walks the planet no more. Hatred eventually produces a result and Billy spewed hatred for years toward this man in a very powerful medium. Only he knows what his intended design behind all that hate really was. He is not an avenging angel. Only a man. Vengeance will be mine sayeth the Lord. Even Billy Oreilly can't claim to be the Lord. He found this out too late and George Tiller is dead. Billy will now have to find his own salvation.
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