Friday, July 12, 2013

The Medicine We Demand

Got the flu. Summer cold. Whatever. Nose attack then throat drip then cough attack. Ok. Had enough off to the nurse practitioner. Zithromax. Drug of choice. Go through the ritual with the pracitioner in training. Vitals. All Good. Into see the main woman. Bowl Cut. Midwestern bowl head. Wide mouth of the plains. More vitals. Questions. I cut to the chase. I have had influenza many times. I just need some zithro and I am  good. Aunt Em in the smock nods and sits down. She drops the viral bomb.

Well I think it is just viral and antibiotics are not indicated. Whoah. I sat in the Walgreens and listened to people get their drugs fore thirty minutes before I finally got in to see Mr. and Mrs. Walmart of medicine. So I backpedal. I understand that is probably what you think with most people you see but I have had this thing about fifty times and I even got a flu shot and what happens is I start pumping out phlegm and hacking so if you could give me a Z pack I will be on my way.

Mrs. Values gives me a look over her glasses and cites placebo studies that showed antibiotics are really all in the head. I assure her I have had bronchitis and it was not in my head. Forgiving smile pumping more data into computer. It hits me then...NO DRUGS. I make one last effort. I really do respect this extra degree that allows you to play doctor but really you have to come off your pedagogy and realize everyone is different. WE are all human she points out. Not necessarily I counter.

And then she sits down and says she needs just one thing from me. I am thinking blood or urine or speicimen. Whats that? Thirty five dollars for your copay she says. So I drive home sans drugs thinking that in the age of the internet we are still at the mercy of glorifed auto mechanics for basic drugs. What we are going to OD on Zithro? No the pricationer would point out we are going to make super resistant bugs. Who cares I would say. I want my Z pack.

So I went home to hack.

Books by William Hazelgrove