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Showing posts with label holiday. Show all posts
Showing posts with label holiday. Show all posts

Tuesday, November 11, 2014

Chapter 17 Real Santa (43 Days Unitl XMAS)

 
GEORGE WAS HAPPY to feel the warmth of his coffee cup

after the warehouse he met the carpenters in. They had assured him

they could build the ramps to his father’s specifications and would

transport them to his home on December 24th. Dean had found the

carpenters and said he used them for many “shoots,” but George had

to write another five thousand dollar check. He felt like a man who

had been on a binge only to wake up and feel the hammerhead of

remorse banging away.

Mary drew a finger through the sheen of dust on the kitchen table.

Everything was coated with the fine grit of cement. The day had

been filled with the sound of giant guns firing down from the roof.

Joe had started with jackhammers, and the cement rained down into

the hearth and rolled out into the house in a dust cloud. They had

sealed the fireplace with plastic, but somehow this dust seeped out,

and now the house was coasted with the fine ash of grey particles.

“I hope your project is going well because we now need a Real

Santa for Megan to videotape,” Mary said wearily.

George felt heat rising up from his neck. He had driven home

totaling up the costs, and he figured he had spent thirty grand and

Dean told him the digital projectors were now three grand to rent.
Three thousand! That was when he considered shutting the whole

thing down. Maybe he was having a midlife crisis.

The mornings in the mirror examining his teeth, his skin, his very

thin grey hair, had taken on another dimension. He had lived a lot of

years, and he didn’t have a lot to show for it. His savings were meager

after the divorce. His kids were not stellar examples of parenting. He

and his ex-wife traded insults for Jeremy being a pothead and Jamie

becoming a Goth chick covered with tattoos and piercings.

But more than that, George had lately questioned his profession.

All he had done was design bridges for thirty years! Sure, there had

been other projects, but he was a bridge man and that just seemed

trivial in the cosmological scheme of human endeavor. When he

kicked the bucket there would be no plaques, no books, no paintings,

no buildings to mark his passage. Even the bridges he designed
were usually named for some dead president or senator. The George

Kronenfeldt Bridge simply would not exist.


Maybe that was why he had gone crazy on the bike bridge. He

knew it was overkill with the single girder across the highway, but
dammit, he wanted something to stand for all time that would have

his mark, and that bicycle bridge surely did. So it had come down to

Megan. He wanted her to become his legacy. He wanted his daughter

to tell everyone one day that her dad had kept her belief in Santa

Claus alive. He was going to be the Real Santa if it put him right in

the poorhouse. And it looked like he was heading there quickly.

“George …” Mary was looking down at her hands. They were

chapped and red from the dishes she insisted on washing by hand.

“It is your business what you spend, but how much have you given

Dean to help you?”

“Five thousand so far,” he muttered.

Mary adjusted her glasses, pulling her sweater together. “It’s not

that I don’t trust, Dean, it’s just he is a bit of a dreamer and has some

very crazy ideas sometimes.”

George stared down at his coffee and nodded.

“Yeah, I picked that up. He wants to film this himself, and I think

he is trying to create a movie set.”

“Just don’t let him put you in the poorhouse, George.”

“I won’t.”

Mary paused again, looking across the table.

“How much have you spent so far?”

“You don’t want to know.”

She blinked, her arms creating a trail in the dusty covered table.

“You’re right. I don’t want to know. Do you really think this is something

we should be taking on right around Christmas?”

“No.” George stared at the taped up plastic over the fireplace.

“But I can’t let Megan down. She promised her class she will bring

in a video of the Real Santa.”

Mary clasped his hand. “Just promise me you won’t lose the

house.”

George shook his head. “I may be nuts, but I’m not crazy.”

She held his hand and nodded. “I trust you.”

He felt a strange ripple of fear inside. He always thought of himself

as being in control, but lately a madman had taken over who could

do just about anything.

“By the way, Mrs. Worthington requested that I go to the Christmas

party,” Mary continued.

George looked up.

“Apparently you two had some words before the conference.”

“All I did was tell her that we were trying to protect Megan and

keep her belief in Santa alive.”

“She said you threatened her, George.”

“I got a little worked up when she said she wouldn’t perpetuate

myths.”
“Well … maybe I should go to the party instead.”

“No, no. I promised Megan I would be at the Christmas party,

and I’m going to be there.”

Mary stared at him.

“I’ll be good. I promise I won’t say anything else to the bitch … I

mean, Mrs. Worthington,” George muttered.

His wife stared at him.

“What?”

“ ‘Don’t friggin’ mess with Santa?’ Really, George?”

Real Santa....Holiday Sale 1.99

STARRED REVIEW BOOKLIST

"If somebody doesn't make a movie out of this book, there's something wrong with the world. This could have been played as an out-and-out slapstick comedy, but instead the author approaches the story like a character study: a portrait of a man with the best intentions in the world watching those intentions collide with reality. It's a steamroller of a story, starting small, with George's idea, and getting bigger and bigger as George tries to put the elements together, as his obsession takes him further and further away from reality. Beautifully done."                                                                                                 
                                                                                                 David Pitts Booklist


"The author marries the everyday dramas found in the novels of Tom Perrotta and Nick Hornby to the high camp of Carl Hiaasen or Dave Barry. Adults looking for a funny holiday-themed tale that doesn't lose its sense of wonder in the face of realism will find a treat here. A lovingly crafted comedy about the madness that fatherhood inspires."
                                                                                              Kirkus Reviews



Best-selling author Hazelgrove (e.g., Ripples; Tobacco Sticks) captures the human need to believe in something good.  This book will satisfy readers looking for a happy Christmas story.-- Library Journal


"Hazelgrove's lively improbable narrative will appeal to the readers in the mood for holiday fiction."
                                                                                              Publishers Weekly




Monday, July 7, 2014

One Hundred and Fifty Million Hotdogs

One hundred and fifty million hotdogs were consumed over the Fourth of July. So what does this say about Americans? Be it Chicago Dogs or New York Dogs foot longs or wieners...we love our hotdogs. We are a fun loving nitrate eating people who really owe a debt to that German vendor who improvised one day at a baseball game when he ran out of bacon and started offering sausages wrapped in a bun. We don't really care that much about what is really in a hotdog after all that scare tactics of the hotdog haters of the world.

And while the World Cup played on we were busy slathering our 150 million hotdogs with tons of ketchup and mustard and relish and onions. And how many pickles did we consume? Lets give us one pickle for every two hotdogs and we are at seventy five million pickles. The cucumber farmers must love this holiday. And that also means we inhaled 150 million buns. And used 150 million napkins and you know we had to have something to drink.

So what...one hundred million gallons of pop? Lets give a quarter of the dogs fries. 35 million fries and how many spuds does that convert to...well...you get the picture. And the funny part is people all over the world love hotdogs too. They see it as the American food. So while the rest of the world was losing their mind over soccer we were clenching our nitrate tubes of animal parts and clogging our hearts and stirring up the toxins.

Ah...Happy Birthday America! And please pass the mustard.

www.williamhazelgrove.com
The Pitcher

Thursday, December 19, 2013

The Christmas Overwhelm

You cant find your keys. You lose your wallet. Your phone is ringing under the couch. The kids are still going to school in the dark. You don't sleep well. You trudge from one store to another. You watch your account vanish. You don't know what day it is. You know that Christmas is coming. You cant figure out who is coming to what. You are tense. Your wife is tense. You have given up on buying by lists and just grab stuff off the shelves. You are in Christmas Overwhelm.

And it is exhausting. No matter how many times you hit the gym you cant get clear. The house is a wreck. The car is full of presents. You don't know how much longer you can keep working under these conditions. Somebody is not coming to Christmas. Family members are mad. Kids are going to dance, cheer, football, play practice, choir. You go to choir recitals,  plays, band recitals. You go to games and your eyes droop.

And you don't watch television anymore. You watch Christmas movie after Xmas movie but you are shopping on your laptop so you only see some of it. You wonder where the regular world went. You push the bills to after Christmas. The stack is a small mountain. You push everything to after Christmas. And then the day arrives.

And like Chevy Chase at the end of Christmas Vacation you take a moment and say.,,,I did it. Amazing. Just amazing

www.williamhazelgrove.com
 

Saturday, December 24, 2011

The Christmas Moment

It comes toward the end after all the buying and eating and wrapping and toasting and bloating and hangovers and kissing and hugging and draining the bank account and maxing the cards and packing and getting everyone in the car for the holiday rituals after the tree is decorated and the stockings are hung and the snow that did not come on the day before Christmas and the breakfast of coffee cake and coffee at the crack of dawn and the wrapping strewn all over the living room and the kids are playing with the toys you hoped would make them happy and the fire is cold from the night before and you have just downloaded music for a seven year olds MP3 player without getting totally ripped off after fighting with bad sites for hours.

Then comes the Christmas moment. You hit the couch and you have a few hours before grandmas and all the relatives and so you put your head back and look at the train and the tree and you realize for just a second it is Christmas and you remember what being a child is all about. You suddenly forget about work and money and the stress slithers away and you feel it rush in as you close your eyes. You are a kid again and there is not a damn thing to worry about. You sleep in a dreamy half sleep hearing the Christmas Carols and the train clacking around the tree and you remember when all you had to do was wake up on Christmas morning and open your gifts.

And it doesn't last long. You give yourself maybe twenty minutes on the couch but already there is trouble on the horizon. The house is a wreck and you have to pack up and go in two hours. Showers to be taken bags to be packed, presents still to be wrapped. You jump up and start cleaning up the mountains of paper, but you feel better. You just got a glimmer of Christmas.

http://www.billhazelgrove.com/

Books by William Hazelgrove