Meatloaf is Supporting Romney

What is the world coming to? When Meatloaf goes over to the other side and says we have to elect Romney because he will stand up to the Russians then something is very wrong in Whoville. The Loaf of Meat is my buddy from adolescent days and many nights in cornfields where  paradise was truly by the dashboard light. And who can forget his sweaty visage as he belted out I want to go right now and then exploded into the duet with the woman who made The Loaf look sexy even though he was a  big man who had managed to mint a mega selling album (Bat of Hell) of adolescent cheese.

But now Meatloaf has gone to the dark side and I will not listen to his album again. Nope. Unh uh. Not going to do it. He has tarnished my teenage memories and I will disavow ever listening to The Loaf while cruising the autumnal back roads of small towns. Because the Loaf of Meat has shown that behind those pimply lyrics loomed a moron that still thinks the cold war is going on. The Loaf stood with Romney at an event and waved to the crowd. The irony that  someone like Mitt never saw paradise by the dashboard light, more like naughty pictures in Mormon Central.

Because The Loaf was all about those secret moments of adolescent romanticism and every song dripped with sap and hormones, but now we see that it was all a sham. The heartfelt belting sweat man of enormous girth was nothing more than a plutocrat in training. A man more concerned with his pocketbook than with the dreams of his fans who know nothing of the one percent. Because The Loaf sang for the middle class. Because Paradise by the Dashboard light is a middle class dream of a boy and a girl in their Chevy or Buick or Ford...finding out the great secret.

And now we know what it was. The Loaf of Meat was just another phony bastard. That's it. I'm resigning from the Meatloaf fan club right now! I pluck out thy Meatloaf because he does offend me. Take that Loaf of Meat.

www.billhazelgrove.com

Who Americans Desperately want Mitt Romney to Be

Mitt Romney is the etch a sketch man and we are turning the knobs. And we are making him into a caring man who will turn around the economy and take care of the poor and reduce the deficit and roll back Roe V Wade or not and will right the strange universe of Obamacare with...well, something, and more than all that we just want him to be a decent guy who wont sell everyone down the river. And we are playing with our Gumby every time the polls spike. We mold him, pull his legs down, his head, up, move his arms out. Because he does look the part and if we just tap our shoes twice and close our eyes then Mitt will become the man we want him to be.

And it such a disappointment to know that he is a plutocrat. And that if you watched the Frontline Special on PBS (we know now why he will cut funding) then you understand the man who would be King. He is a fixer. A man who can come in and tinker with your car and get it running, but then  leave you on the side of the road. He fixed the Olympics. He fixed Massachusetts with Romneycare (something he now disowns)And he created the the biggest Mr. Fix It Operation around for companies. Bain Capitol.

And he uses the tools at hand. Cut costs. Cut jobs. Trim fat. Fire management. Raise capitol. And it works. He has done this time and time again. And he makes the big bucks to prove it. The problem is that if the United States is a company, then Mitt sees it as a ailing company that only he can fix. He really believes this is his mission...to fix the United States of America Inc And he will use the same tools at hand. Cut costs. Cut jobs. Fire management. Raise capitol.

And we want to believe he will not be that man who does not feel others pain. But he does not. He is a technician. A man who will fix your problem and leave you with the bill. Yet we want to see him as a compassionate man who will not cut entitlements (Medicaid, Medicare, Food stamps, student loans,) We hope he will be a man who does care about the forty seven percent. We hope he will not just give all the breaks to the wealthy. But that is ignoring who Mitt is. Again, he is a technician. He believes the end justifies the means. These are not entitlements to him with real people at the end... these are costs. The rich are not on the one percent or the oligarchy, but job creators. The forty seven percent is not the middle class they are the laggard workforce that needs to be culled. The entitlments  are costs that will be cut, beginning with PBS. He said it himself.

But we don't want to think of him that way. We want to turn the knobs of the etch a sketch and make him into our next President who will care about us. But we must remember that the etch a sketch is a device built on fine particles that are arranged on a magnetized screen. And even if we fill Mitt in and make him who we want him to be....

One shake and he's gone again.

www.billhazelgrove.com

Mitt is a Creep

Savvy. Funny word. Some people have it and some people don't. Mitt doesn't. Obama does. But what is savvy really? It is street smarts, a sort of second sight if you will. Almost an instinct that allows you to do what is right for the situation. People develop savvy. Some are born with it. A lot of times it comes as a survival skill. Growing up on the South Side of Chicago you either have savvy or you are going to get shot. But it is a talent. It is the ability to size up what is happening and do the right thing. The only thing.

But Mitt man, he is a goof without a clue. No savvy. No instinct. No gut check. Nothing. Just a head on a rich body moving through space. And why not? He is rich so savvy is not necessary. In fact the ability to throw people out of work and clean out companies is not something a person with savvy might want to do. Savvy carries with it nuances. Why Mitt might actually feel remorse. Not good for a rich guy. And so Mitt is the clueless wonder and rolls on through with that dumb smile...he would have been fine if he didn't run for President.

Guess what? Presidents need to be savvy! They need to sum up a situation in a nanosecond because lives are at stake. Mitt cant sum up anything. He doesn't know the right play. He has no idea. Like a sailor who has no instinct he gets cross wind and ends up swamping the boat every time. Talk about dangerous. You do not want to be in the army with this guy as Commander in Chief.

And now he shows us again how clueless he is. The rich guy spouts off right after our Ambassador is murdered. Tries to get the hand up in a really bad situation. Stupid. The savvy dude would have laid back and let the dust settle. He would have waited because the tragedy was pre-eminent. Not Mitt. He just goes out there and doubles down and rips the President and the embassy staff. Nice. Real nice. Mitt. Smack everyone when they are down. What a creep.


www.billhazelgrove.com

Delusional Newt

Hmm...remember the kid who held his breath until he got his way? Remember he would turn red and his cheeks would blow up like balloons with his arms crossed, head wagging, eyes puffing, turning red then blue, nearly passing out....well, that's Newt. Doesn't matter if he loses every primary he is going to stay in. Delusional is a word that come to mind followed by farcical, fanciful, conspiratorial, sad, pathetic, pomposity, bellicose, moronic, nearsighted, bellicose, megalomaniac, stoned, dim-witted...Ok Ok. You get the point. But the point is that Newt will never quit. Never.

He can't. If he quits then he disappears into Newt Land. Ghostwritten books, multiple wives, snarky lobbying, flim-flam organizations, influence pedaling, space colonies. And he wants to be around to throw those final grenades at Santroum and Mitt. Why? Because if he cant win then nobody is going to win. This guy has an ego that just keeps giving like gas or toxic waste or raidoatcive sludge. Newt is not good for anybody except Newt. He certainly isn't good for the Republican party.

So now as Santorum and Romney march along, Newt is devising a grand strategy for an end run on Super Tuesday. Hmmm. Lets see. If the earth tilts to the right and Romney falls into the Mormon sea and Santorum's nose bends a little more to the right, then I can claim victory by default and if that doesn't work I can storm the convention, give a speech without a teleprompter, tell everyone I am the greatest thinker since Jefferson Washington and Lincoln, scratch that, greater than Lincoln Jefferson and Washington and that Brad Pitt will have his hands full playing me in a movie (his pick for actors to play him) and that I will come down and personally kick the liberal elite media squarely in the gonads.

Then I will fly off in a spaceship where I will run the country from a colony on the moon called NEWTLAND. Yeah, that will work.

http://www.billhazelgrove.com/

Republican Debate From the Viewpoint of the dog and the coyote

The Dog
You know I really think Mitt could have done better if he just didn't strap me to the roof of his car and drive to Canada. Hasn't he heard about the SPCA? I'm a dog! I'm not that dead grandmother in National Lampoons Vacation although Mitt does seem a lot like Chevy Chase now that I think about it. But it's no wonder he looked kind of wimpy next to the Coyote killer from Texas. A man who would strap a dog to the roof of the family car can't be expected to be the great defender of Social Security. He sure wimped out of that one. He didn't call it a ponzi scheme but he didnt' defend it either.

The problem with a guy like Mitt is that he saw nothing wrong with putting me on the roof and letting me end up with bugs in my teeth and my ears permanently blown back. When we got to Canada he's like, how'd you like the ride Rover? Imagine what a guy like that will do to the American people? He just doesn't get it. He thinks it's perfectly fine for a dog to inhale a seventy mile an hour wind for six hours! So I looked like someone had just blown back my hair with a blast furnace. To Mitt everything was just fine. You know why? Because he rode in the nice warm car below while I froze my tail off! Is that the kind of guy you want for your President? Woof.

The Coyote:

That aint nothing.  Let me ask you this: what kind of a guy goes jogging with a .380 Ruger with hollow point bullets? Think about that one. Let's see sweats, socks, tennis shoes, headband, IPOD, Ruger. Come on. Somebody with some serious issues carries a gun when they for their workout. Can anybody say PARANOID. PSYCHO. WACJOB. I can because I'm the one that he shot at! First of all let me say for the record that wasn't his puppy I was sniffing after. And secondly what business was it of his. In fact I was just walking across the field to see what all the commotion was when BLAM BLAM BLAM. I look up and see this WAC JOB in a powder blue workout suit with those over sized headphones like out of that movie Starsky and Hutch, unloading like' John Wayne.

This is a residential neighborhood and the guy is shooting up the place like it's the OK Corral. Do you really want a guy to be your President who packs when he goes for his morning jog? Or starts shooting at some innocent Coyote because I was crossing a field and there happens to be a puppy on the other side? Imagine what this guy would do to people who need a little extra help though hard times. BLAM BLAM BLAM. That'll take care of them. I mean and then the guy reloads and fires another full clip at me! Yeesh. Come on. Is that normal? Do you want some psycho in a powder blue workout suit with headphones listening to Yanni blasting away at your dog? Because I could have been your dog, we look about the same.

Anyway. I don't. And he wont get my vote or any other Coyotes. And as far as that puppy is concerned. It turned out he was stuffed animal someone left in their garbage. Mr. Secessionist  didn't tell you that one did he? Mr. Powder Puff protecting Snoopy from the big bad Wile E Coyote. Give me a break. I'm telling you and you heard it here first, you dont' want this guy for your President. Because this guy is straight out nuts!

http://www.billhazelgrove.com/
Rocket Man